Sky in his hands, Storm in his heart. Simplistic Grandiloquence.June 5, 2008 at 10:43 pm | Posted in Thoughts | Leave a comment
Tags: Murakami Haruki, Rain, Sadness
“He doesn’t know what happened to himself”, Voices say in his head. Fairy whispers, boolean ditherers, I am confused. “Sit and peek in- was it yesterday, or today? By the way, when is when?” He smacks his head. Wake up and get some food. Enough confusing nonsense.
Then again, I really don’t know what happened. I woke up this morning. Everything seemed fine. It was only when I reached college, when a gloom settled on me. I was just sad, for no reason at all. Tears flowed now and then, but nothing major. There were times when I felt like laughing, and indeed did, but just couldn’t maintain it. Joy just died on my lips like wintry breath. I walked, I talked, in slumber- I saw through a fracture… That doesn’t make much sense either. Though I should probably turn it into a song though. If I knew how to write one. If.
Maybe it was the sky. Gray, not dark. Didn’t seem like it was going to rain, but it certainly seemed like it should have. Haze is back, I thought earlier. The thought irritated me. Now they’re going to train Indonesians to fight forest fires and whatnot, teach them to be more environmentally conscious. And here they are burning mountains of ballot papers. Whatever happened to open burning laws? Bloody double standards. Should drown them in a giant pot of gooey honey.
Or perhaps it was yesterday. Yesterday seems to have vanished, almost. I’d been walking in the rain yesterday, and woke up with a cold, around one, for lunch. Tired, I retired till dinner. Read some Murakami. “A Folklore for My Generation: A Prehistory of Late-Stage Capitalism” (我らの時代のフォークロア―高度資本主義前史) was wonderfully depressing. Listened to the entire OST for the movie ‘Once’ before falling off to sleep. Even came up with the most interesting way to kill someone- by throwing the poor victim into a huge pot of honey, and binding him/her down with heavy weights. Perfect for a mafia comedy, I thought. Don’t know why it popped up. Odd. Yesterday was… Wednesday. I’d forgotten it existed. I’d forgotten it’d passed. That’s what sleeping the whole day does to a person.
So was it the yesterday that never was, may never have been, the yesterday that was nearly forgotten, or the today that would perhaps have been better not being? I received the oddest compliment today. Saathish said I remind him of the first Schwarzenegger (bloody hell I spelled that right the first time- a major achievement) Terminator. I don’t know why. Waited with him, Bawanie and Jeanie after class. Told them they could leave me but they stayed. Nice of them, but I didn’t feel particularly grateful. Didn’t have the energy. As it turned out, I left them first. More staring at the irritating sky on the way home…
Sometime in the evening, it rained. Nothing great- no storm, not much lightning, the thunder wasn’t even notable. Cats weren’t picked up by finicky whirlwinds. No one lost any shoes or thongs. I slept through it, in the darkness, and woke up for dinner again, feeling much better. Just seemed like it should have rained, so I was glad it finally did do so. Rain if you want to, don’t sulk all day. So was it today, or yesterday?