Paranoia wasn’t invited, but was irritated all the sameApril 23, 2009 at 12:22 am | Posted in Thoughts | 2 Comments
2 days after I turned 20, all traces of psychosis had left me, as expected. No worries at all. I just sat in class and listened, listened, to the lecturer droning on about various legal points, giggling couples, rowdy brats and the cold air blowing against my skin. I’d had a rather interesting dream the previous night- haven’t had a good one in a while. My phone woke me up at 8am. I lay there in bed thinking, ‘what day is it, I wonder?’ Oh blast. Wednesday. Class at 10am. What a wonderful way to start the day- ruining a sweet dream like that.
Not that I had much of a choice. Class was about the same as it always has been. Except that I nearly fell asleep on several occasions. I didn’t write much- just sat there in my seat, listening… leaning back, eyes drooping. I made to leave after class (I desperately wanted to get back into bed), but was stopped by Lizbeth. “Stay until 3:45,” she ordered me. Right. Something’s up, I thought. Perhaps she has something to pass to me.
I should have expected it, I guess. Sit and don’t move, she said, when I started walking around restlessly. Classmates whom I appreciate but never really bothered to mingle with due to my own ingrained reticence and frosty spirit were unusually chatty. I suppose I did suspect what she was doing, but was just too nice to leave. Right. She’d gathered a few of the boys and girls for a birthday song, and a little cake (I’ve no idea where she stored it). Ah well. Thanks Hammie:)
I should be happy. I suppose I was rather touched. But not happy. It seems like it’ll take a lot to melt this cold heart of mine these days. Surprisingly, non-humans have a much better chance of that with me. I need a slap, I think. A really hard one too, since I’m pretty pain resistant. Masochist, you say? That’s next door, thank you very much- just me over here, bored, tired, and lonely. But not sad. Yet not very happy either. Thanks for dropping by, and if you ever drop by again, bring a bottle of absinthe, won’t you? My flowers seem to like it very much.