Attention Please: Eat this and ForgetJuly 5, 2009 at 9:24 pm | Posted in Thoughts | 5 Comments
Tags: Spam, Terry Pratchett, Wordpress
I finally did it. Way back in Checklist: Emigration, I said I’d be migrating to a free host, and here it is. Well, the site itself is up and working, but I don’t think I’ll move there now. That’s right- I’ve decided. I’ll use a paid host, and not this free one. A20tameshi will be used for, well… I don’t know as of yet, but I’ll be um, testing things with it. So no worries, I’ll be here (On wordpress.com) for a while to come.
Now, as a form of celebration- there’s really nothing much to celebrate besides my finding out that the free host I chose had this thing called the ‘fantastico installer’ or something that allowed me to instantly install wordpress 2.8 after quite a while fiddling with a FTP uploader…. bah, enough of that. The point is, I’m celebrating, and… hmm? No, I’m not having a give-away, I’m afraid. Instead, you’ll have to settle for some amusing junk mail that’s been gathering digital dust in my inbox.
I) Here’s one called the ‘Six Truths of Life’, which I received from chtan2089. Here goes:
1) You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.
2) All idiots, after reading the first Truth, will try it.
3) The first Truth is a lie.
4) You’re smiling now because you’re an idiot.
5) You will soon forward this to an idiot.
6) There’s still a stupid smile on your face.
Sorry bout this, I was an idiot too, and I needed company…
Rather charming, in it’s own way. Actually, it reminded me of Lelouch from Code Geass- remember the episodes where he fimed a video of himself which anticipated every reaction of the person it was aimed at? This one works on the same principle. Most people would smile, I suppose. If you’re wondering, I didn’t. Stoneface, that’s me…
II) I also get lessons on love in the mail- am I being prodded towards a relationship, I wonder? Sheesh, the pressure… haha. Listen to this one:
When a girl is quiet… millions of thoughts are running through her mind.
When a girl is not arguing… she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions… she is wondering how long you’ll be around.
When a girl answers ‘I’m fine’ after a few seconds, she isn’t fine at all.
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a girl lies on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a girl a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.
When a girl says ‘I love you’, she means it.
When a girl says ‘I miss you’, no one in this world can miss you more than she does.
Life only comes around once, make sure you spend it with the right person… find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constanly reminding you of how much he cares for you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to his friends and says ‘that’s her!’
If you open this you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life!!!!
…someone once said something like ‘one or two apostrophes are fine, but three is the sign of a diseased mind’. I suspect Terry Pratchett.
III) I’m not a religious person, but this was amusing nonetheless- a ‘letter from the devil’. Here goes:
Interesting. I think if Satan were to really say all that, the world would change quite a bit.
PAY ATTENTION TO THE P.S. at the end.
Letter from the Devil
This can really make you think. It actually made me really mad
while I was reading it, but it made me realize some things.
I had to send it because of the P.S.
This is deep… and I wasn’t going to forward or share it, but that last line… you’ll see.
A LETTER TO YOU FROM SATAN
I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores.
You awoke without kneeling to pray. As a matter of fact, you didn’t even bless your meals, or pray before going to bed last night.
You are so unthankful, I like that about you.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that you have not changed your way of living, Fool, you are mine.
Remember, you and I have been going steady for years, and I still don’t love you yet.
As a matter of fact, I hate you, because I hate God.
He kicked me out of heaven, and I’m going to use you as long as possible to pay him back.
You see, Fool, GOD LOVES YOU and HE has great plans in store for you
But you have yielded your life to me, and I’m going to make your life a living hell.
That way, we’ll be together twice. This will really hurt God.
Thanks to you, I’m really showing Him who’s boss in your life with all of the good times we’ve had.
We have been…
watching dirty movies,
cursing people out,
stealing, lying, being hypocritical, fornicating, overeating, telling dirty jokes, gossiping, being judgmental,
back stabbing people, disrespecting adults, and those in leadership positions, no respect for the Church, bad attitudes.
SURELY you don’t want to give all this up.
Come on, Fool, let’s burn together forever. I’ve got some hot plans for us. This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you.
I’d like to say ‘THANKS’ for letting me use you for most of your foolish life.
You are so gullible, I laugh at you. When you are tempted to sin, you give in
HA HA HA, you make me sick.
Sin is beginning to take its toll on your life. You look 20 years older, and now, I need new blood.
So go ahead and teach some children how to sin.
All you have to do is smoke, get drunk or drink while under-aged, cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and live being as selfish as possible.
Do all of this in the presence of children and they will do it too. Kids are like that.
Well, Fool, I have to let you go for now. I’ll be back in a couple of seconds to tempt you again. If you were smart, you would run somewhere, confess your sins, and live for God with what little bit of life that you have left.
It’s not my nature to warn anyone, but to be your age and still sinning, it’s becoming a bit ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate you.
IT’S JUST THAT YOU’D MAKE A BETTER FOOL FOR CHRIST.
P.S. If you love me, you won’t share this
Whoever typed this out must have had too much free time. Really, though, the postscript was the clincher. What a hoot! I didn’t send it all the same- I hate spam as much as I hate ants. Well, a little less, perhaps. At least spam doesn’t get into the sugar…
IV) Nine words women use, from Sugarcocktail.
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F— YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
*Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it’s true!!!
Umm, let’s see… which words do I use, in the same way? The first one is ‘fine’- ah, I do the same thing all the time. ‘Five minutes’? Normally one minute is enough for me, but… oh well. ‘Nothing’- haha, I’m guilty of misusing this word too. ‘Go ahead’. Check. ‘Loud sigh’: Oh, all the time… ‘Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it’. Yup, I’ve done this. So what’s my score? Let’s see- 6 out of 9. Not bad, I guess?
Well, that’s the end for this post. Had fun? Did you enjoy the lesson in love, the letter from Satan, the Truths of Life, and the guide to the Female Vocabulary? I don’t suppose you’ll remember the first paragraph of this post, which is all good, because I really haven’t decided what to do with ‘it’ yet, and there’re still some bugs I have to work my way around. Toodles till next!